There was some weird brown thing in my Cream of Wheat this morning..  I was only a few bites into it too..  I got grossed out and threw it away.  I grabbed a muffin instead cause I was still hungry though..  Why am I starting this entry with that story?  It’s been kinda hard lately.  My germophobia is starting to get kinda bad again.  It’s nowhere near as bad as before, but it’s creeping back I think.  I wipe everything off when I get into my room, I’m always so paranoid about eating in the dining hall because I just think of how the number of hands that touches things compounds so fast.  But anyways!  I digress.  I meant this to be more of a life update, not a rant about my germ problems.  Life is okay.  I realized last night, well, I realized this a long time ago but it’s becoming more prevalent, that life happens and you can either deal or not deal.  Nut up or shut up.  I had come up with so many more than that last night..  Damn.  But what I’m saying is that it’s still hard for me to be this far away from Kyle.  It gets more difficult every time.  He surprised me this past weekend and it was so great.  I loved every minute of it.  It felt so nice to have another human being in my room with me!  My room gets so lonely.  It was comforting to be able to sit at my desk and turn around and see him sitting on my bed.  It brought us closer too, and it strengthened our relationship.  But with that being said, it’s been hard to fall asleep some nights because I realize it’s just me by myself in my room and I don’t have someone laying right next to me.  So I’m trying to teach myself that it is what it is.  I’m here and this is the situation I’m in.  It’s already almost November!  I’m almost done with fall quarter, almost a third of the way done with the year.  Hell yeah!  I’m feeling better at least about my relationship with Kyle.  We’ll be okay.  Classes are going okay.  I did really well on the first ochem midterm, and I just took bio yesterday so I’ll find out about that next week I think.  I can feel how ochem might start to overwhelm me.  That coupled with mock trial, things are getting intense.  We have a competition this weekend in Fresno, and I’m so not prepared.  I’m totally scared.  But this is where my shut up and deal outlook comes in because it’s going to happen, and it’s either going to be okay-ish or it’ll be terrible and we’re all gonna fall flat on our faces.  All I can do is try and prepare and hopefully pull it off in the end.  So we’ll see how that goes..  Now that midterms are over I can focus on that.  I’m trying not to let myself get too overwhelmed with it, because when I get really stressed with stuff, I just throw my hands up and say I give up.  I just shut down and refuse to deal with it.  And that’s definitely not helpful when you’re on a mock trial team sooo I’m working at keeping that at bay.  I feel like this post is just all over the place!  It probably is.  Sorry for those of you who actually read these things, I’m tired and my thoughts are kinda just as all over the place as they sound.  I’m gonna go to yoga this morning though!  Hopefully that helps.  I should go start getting ready I suppose…  I really never know how to end these posts now.  After a year of always ending with a list of positives, you kinda get into a habit :P