January 2012
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I need to get better at not caring about what other people think. I guess everyone is guilty of this, but we can always get better at it too, right? I am a human being, I have emotions, therefore it’s okay to be sad sometimes. That also happens to be the only time I seem to write anymore. I don’t want to look back at this blog someday and think damn, what a depressing college life...
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I feel better this morning.
A little bit at least. I’m trying to also be productive to get the positivity flowing. So far I’m waiting to put my laundry in the dryer and wash my dishes so I can eat.. Anyways! I wanted to write about my dream, that was the point of this. Sooo..
I dreamed last night that the Anaheim Ducks came to Santa Cruz and they all needed places to stay. Cam Fowler was staying in my dorm...
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I feel so alone. This has been the most difficult goodbye so far. I hate being so far away, it breaks me every time. I’m sitting in some random parking lot in Los Gatos cause I couldn’t make the drive. I had to park and I just broke down sobbing. I never realize how much I hold inside until it all comes flying out. I feel so scared. I’m so afraid of the future and life and...
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I just got my new glasses in
and it’s crazy how much better I can see! It’s so much easier to read things now. I never knew my eyesight wasn’t perfect to begin with. I mean I guess you can’t really compare with how other people see things. The idea that you never know exactly what another person is seeing is so fascinating to me.
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I decided to watch Fullmetal Alchemist:...
I’m only four episodes in and already crying.
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Nightmare.
I had a nightmare last night. I just remember people dying and being in a room full of water waiting for it either to drain or somehow to call 911 to get rescued. I was stuck floating in this room, and other people were in there too. I was hanging onto Kyle’s back and we were the last two alive. I think everyone else that had been trapped in there died and were floating in the water...
Sometimes it feels like time is standing still.
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ANAHEIM DUCKS WIN 3 IN A ROW WITH BACK TO BACK HAT...
I’m so happy I could cry. Koivu got his second career hat trick, Sbisa got his second goal this season, and Beleskey finally got a goal as well! Finally we’re playing like we should have been all season!
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I feel so damn alone.
I can’t shake it. I couldn’t sleep well last night, I kept waking up. I managed to lay in bed this morning until 9. Whoa, big sleeper. I have no class today, so I’m going to be left to sit here and think and cry. I was feeling okay yesterday for the first half of the drive up. I was telling myself that school is just something that needs to happen in order to get the future...
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December 2011
11 posts
Anonymous asked: What career are you going to pursue? :)
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Spring cleaning in December?
So I woke up this morning and as per the life of a college student, the first thing I did was start washing all my dirty laundry that I brought home. I came back upstairs and saw my yarn that I bought over Thanksgiving, and I remembered I started crocheting a scarf a long long time ago, and I remembered exactly where I put it too. It was in a box under my bed. I opened the box, and there it...
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I've figured it out.
I suffer from emetophobia. I never knew there was a name. All of this applies to me, well, except the mentally disabled part. But it used to be a huge part of why I never wanted to be pregnant ever in my life (it’s still a slight part of the reason…), and it’s why I hardly eat. I obsess over cleanliness and controlling what I eat to prevent all possibility of throwing up....
I just became overwhelmed with sadness. I haven’t felt like this in a long time. It’s a deep sadness, and it’s different than the normal I-miss-Kyle-sadness. It’s hard to explain. It’s almost like a depression kind of sadness. Did that bio final really mess me up this badly?
I need to snap out of it.
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“One should not pursue goals that are easily achieved. One must develop an...”
– Albert Einstein
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Damn I’m so tired. Mock trial today was actually fun though. Surprisingly. I had a good time, regardless of waking up at 4:30 am and driving nearly 3 hours to SLO and then 3 hours back. I’m really scared for my finals though. Actually, I’m just really scared for ochem. Bio I feel okay with. I love bio, it just makes sense. Ochem takes so much work. So tomorrow I’m...
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Fuck you mock trial. I’m done. I’m gonna fail my finals because I have to spend all day tomorrow at a stupid fucking pointless scrimmage on the weekend before finals. A whole day I could spend studying ochem and bio, but nope, that’s gone.
I just want to quit.
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THE DUCKS FINALLY WON HELL YES!!!
I seriously almost cried at the end of that game. That’s never happened to me with sports before. Ridiculous!
November 2011
15 posts
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Shitty ending to a relatively decent day. Ugh.
At least my research paper is almost finished. That’s one good thing.
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I really wish I could save the world. My heart is...
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I don't like this feeling.
It’s a feeling of foreboding. It’s weird. I feel guilty because my lab still isn’t done, and normally I have all of my work done before Tuesday. But here I am. I did as much as I could but I think I forgot to do a step last week in lab and I have to wait to get half the data from my partner. He was supposed to email me but he hasn’t yet.. I just feel like I’m...
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My room is so lonely now. I never get enough time with you. I’m thankful for this weekend, because it was great and one of the longer ones that we’ve had together, but it frustrates me too. It isn’t fair that I don’t get to spend every day with you. It isn’t fair that I have to live 400 miles away. It isn’t fair at all.
But I should be thankful I even...
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I'm trying not to count down the hours,
but I’m totally counting down the hours.
~34 hours to go!
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It’s so hard to focus! I’ve been studying ochem for way too long. I suppose I can take a break to write, it’s been awhile.
I can’t believe this is already the 7th week of the quarter. It’s nearly half way through November! It’s almost 2012. I can possibly graduate in 2013. Holy shit. It’s insane.. It feels like just a couple weeks ago was the...
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There isn't enough hours in the day,
Or energy in my body to deal with all of this.
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Soooo, the LA Kings just called me, trying to get a hold of Kyle, because we bought tickets to a Kings-Ducks game at the Staples Center in December. After confusion of how this person got my number, he asked what our plans were for the rest of the season. I didn’t have the heart to say we were Ducks fans, so I just said it was a Christmas thing we decided on… I didn’t want to...
I should be able to eat whatever I want and not worry about it. But I can’t ever seem to do that.
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October 2011
30 posts
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I need to write this closing argument, but I just...
Damn you, dubstep.
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Life update
There was some weird brown thing in my Cream of Wheat this morning.. I was only a few bites into it too.. I got grossed out and threw it away. I grabbed a muffin instead cause I was still hungry though.. Why am I starting this entry with that story? It’s been kinda hard lately. My germophobia is starting to get kinda bad again. It’s nowhere near as bad as before, but it’s...
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What a whirlwind weekend. I can’t believe it’s already over. I’m so thankful Kyle came up. After everything that had been going on this week, it was what we needed. It was a breath of fresh air in the middle of all of this stress. It happened so fast, it’s hard to believe he was just here. At the same time though, I don’t want to walk back to my room....
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I can’t handle this. I got my hopes up way too high.
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For the first time
I feel proud of who I am. I feel proud of my heritage. We just had a lecture all about Native Americans, and it was amazing finally getting to hear some of the things about them. There’s so much I don’t know, but I finally felt a sense of pride. We learned about some of the main points in Native American culture, and it seemed to all fit me. Everything is connected, everything is...